The Battle Within

Darkness prevails within this hurting soul of mine,
A darkness that will take maybe even years to erase in time.
A darkness filled with anger and so much pain,
A darkness that always remains the same.
I cry out for help and find no one that understands,
I reach out but come back with empty hands.
I try so hard to explain, but find that I cannot,
For the darkness has enveloped me and where light
is only a hope, a mere disappearing dot.

To talk is so hard, I find myself shivering in fear,
I find that I cannot accept the love you give when you are near.
Why this is so, I cannot say,
All I know is how I feel this day.

You must understand that love and light are not of my world,
Never have I known these things, not even when I was a small girl
I shiver in fear when kindness is given to me,
For I do not know what I am expected to be.

I know that I can love with no limits or hesitations,
I know that I can be forgiving with no expectations.
These things I know without a doubt or fear,
These things I want you to know and hear.

But even so I battle with myself inside,
For there are many things that I hide.
Feelings that I have trouble explaining or making clear,
Feelings of terror, sadness and fear.

I am afraid of losing you and so many others I love,
Simply because of these things I fight with and dream of.
I am afraid of you and others turning away,
That is why I hide the feelings and things I want to say.

You see there is always a constant battle within this hurting soul,
A battle of fear and pain, and of always being alone.
A battle of knowing that there will never be
anyone in my life to share with or hold,
A fear of everything I know and love being gone.

I have lost so much in such a short time,
I know that the things I want will not soon be mine.
The pain and fear that fill me are so hard to bear,
So hard yet even harder to share.

I ask that you bear with me and this battle within me,
I ask that you help me to overcome these thing
so that I can be what I want to be.
Be there for me with a gentle loving hand,
Be there and please try to understand.

I know it is hard for you as it is hard for me,
But please, take time, listen, and help me to see.
That you really love me, and will always
be there for me when I need you,
Because, believe me, I do care and love you....

I just need help and understanding and care,
Help me to learn how to talk and share,
Help me please to become a whole person inside,
Help me to face the things that I hide.

Help me, that is all I ask, with love and tender care,
Be patient, and help me for it is a heavy burden I bear.
Help me to overcome all this and then,
Help me to overcome and fight this battle within...
 

the origin and author are unknown if any one should know
who they are please email  me  so i can giv e proper credit