Make your own free website on

  Relationships with other people are a vital part of our
learning whether the association is distant,casual or
   intimate.The most important relationships are those that
          involve a close sharing of life’s journey.In close relationship
       each partner can serve as a mirror to the other so that ego,
       games, and manipulations can be unveiled.If there is clarity
  of mind, willingness to learn, honesty, and compassion,
     relationship can help you sort out and let go of the plots
and ploys you've learned and refined.

   Of course, without clarity, when ego is running the show
     it's nearly impossible to learn quickly and change.Rather,
  there is a resistance to change that usually results in
  blaming, shaming, abuse and suffering.  Usually, ending
        the relationship will not change the way people live and love
      They will fall back into the same choices and patterns that
   destroyed their previous relationships.Counseling may or
  may not help depending on the level of awareness of the
 counselor and the degree to which the principals agree
   to be honest and ready to look at their own patterns and

   People often prefer to share their life with another for
    a variety of reasons.  A frequently voiced reason is that
    they are looking for their other "half" as though another
    person will complete them,that the other will fill a void
        in them.This can be expressed in a  "mathematical" expression
        :½ + ½ = 1,but the reality can usually be expressed ½ x ½= ¼.
      Wholeness cannot come from two incomplete people joining in
      a partnership.Often the outcome is disastrous.Of course, if
      one is abusive and the other is committed to playing victim
    there will be a modicum of satisfaction in that they help
    each other play out their roles.  If they get along well,
   they still might not help each other move to clarity and
wholeness.  That's OK, too.

     There is no right or wrong. Just experience.Sooner or later
   they'll get the picture andchange themselves and/or their
      partner.But if they think they can “fix” their partner, they
    will have fallen into still another trap and it might take
        lifetimes to sort out that misunderstanding.You can mirror the
      inappropriate behavior, model appropriate behavior,or try to
        explain what you consider to be appropriate.  The only one you
       can hope to fix is yourself and believing you can fix someone
else is another sort of ego-game.
       Some people are not “safe” playmates.They might have grown up
         in some aspects but are developmentally handicapped emotionally,
     caught in an adolescent or childish mode of behavior. If you
      are trying to share a sandbox with another child who tends to
         throw sand and steal your toys, you might find it wiser to leave
       the sandbox and then be more careful and alert when you choose
     to share another sandbox with someone.  If you keep choosing
          unsafe playmates,you might then look at your choosing to see what
you are trying to learn from these experiences.