Way back, ONCE UPON A
I was being the kind soul that
I am and making a birthday cake for my dear old granny.
I had a TERRIBLE SNEEZING COLD.
I was in the middle of
making the cake and ran out of sugar.
Figures!!!! So here I am out the door and down the street to ask my
neighbour for a cup of sugar. Now it would figure,
this neighbor of mine was a pig.
Darn luck of mine.
And he really wasn't too bright either.
The dumb butt had built his house out of straw. Can you believe it?
I mean who in his right mind would build a house of straw?
So of course the minute I knocked on the door the thing fell right in.
Now being of sound mind
and manners I didn't want to just walk
in to someone else's house. So I called out,
"Little Pig, Little Pig, ARE YOU IN?"
I was just about to give up and go home without
the cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.
Then my nose started to run and itch. I felt a sneeze coming on.
Well I huffed, and I puffed and OH DARN if I didn't sneeze
one heck of a sneeze.
And you know that?
That whole straw house fell down.
And right in the middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig-
---DEAD as a doornail. The little Hoink had been home the whole time.
You know it seemed like
a shame to leave a perfectly good
ham dinner lying there in the straw. So I ate up.
Just think of it as a big cheeseburger lying there.
I was feeling a little
better but I still didn't have my cup of sugar.
So I went to the next neighbor's house. Figures!
This neighbor was the First Little Pigs brother.
He was a little smarter but not much. He had built his house of sticks.
I rang the doorbell on
the stick house. MAN! Nobody answered.
So I called out, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, ARE YOU IN?"
And the Hoink yelled
back, "Go away wolf! You can't come in.
I'm shaving the hairs on my chinny chin chin!"
I had just let go of
the doorknob when I felt another sneeze coming on.
DARN COLD! I huffed, I puffed and I tried to cover my mouth,
but I sneezed a great sneeze. And you are not going to believe this,
but this guy's house fell down just like his dumb brother's did.
When the dust cleared, there was the Second Little Pig---DEAD as a doornail.
Now you know food will
spoil if you just leave it out in the open.
So I did the only thing there was to do. I had dinner again.
Just think of it as a second helping.
I was getting pretty
darn full. But my cold was feeling better,
and I still didn't have that cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.
So I went to the next
house. SHEESH!! This guy was the First
and Second Little Pigs' brother. He must have been the
Harvard graduate. He had built his house of bricks.
I knocked on the door
to the brick house,
BIG MOTHER OF A HOUSE TOO!! --No answer.
I called out, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, ARE YOU IN?"
And do you know what
the rude porker answered?
"Get out of here WOLF AND DON'T EVEN BOTHER ME AGAIN!"
TALK ABOUT IMPOLITE!!
He probably had a whole sackful
of sugar too, and wouldn't give me even one little cup for my dear
old sweet granny's birthday cake. WHAT A PIG!!
I was just about to go
home and maybe make a nice birthday card
instead of a cake, when I felt my cold coming on again.
SHEESH!!! I huffed!!! And I puffed!!! And I sneezed once again.
The the Third Little
Pig yelled, "And your dear old granny can
kiss my big fat ham!"
Now I am usually a pretty
calm dude. But when someone talks
about my dear old granny like that, I get a little NUTSO!
When the cops drove up, of course I was trying to break down the pig's door.
The whole time I was huffing and puffing and sneezing and making a real scene.
THE REST AS THEY SAY IS HISTORY.....
The darn news reporters
found out about the two pigs I had for dinner.
They figured a sick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar
didn't sound too exciting. So they jazzed up the story
with all of that crap of "HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW
YOUR HOUSE DOWN" and then made me
THE BIG BAD BUTTHOLE WOLF.
That's it. The
real story. I WAS FRAMED !!
But hey, MAYBE YOU could loan me a cup of sugar? HOW ABOUT IT